The Cold War
by book-chan
Summary: New drabble Office Pool
1. Cold War Drabble

The Cold War Full Metal Alchemist Gen All Reviews and C&C welcomed Short drabble for shukiai on fm_alchemist when she asked for more Roy/Ed  
  
#2 In the future, would Roy and Ed fight together in a war? They would make an awesome team!  
  
Winter 3 years down the line (Al is now human) Conversation between Ed and Roy  
  
"Ed, what have I told you about the rules of war? ~Sigh~ "Never let your temper get a hold of you, always have an ace in reserve, and surprise is vital. Why can't you remember that when going into battle?"  
  
"But, But Hughes called me SHORT. He said that I had a small target area and and then he said that I was to predictable!"  
  
"Ed you are predictable in battle, you'll never win the way you are now. You need to learn sublty."  
  
"AND who should I take lessons in subtly from, certainly not "You" Mr. Useless in Snow and Rain. Ah you're pouting. Just cause Al nailed perfectly his first try with his snowball is no reason to get upset."  
  
"Hmph, like you can talk Mr. Lets surprise Al and Winry by shouting out ARGG and then attacking them with snowballs."  
  
"Well how was I to know that they were expecting that and had their own collection of snowballs near. You can't talk either though since Elysia got you when you went for Hughes."  
  
"Al and Winry know you too well and no one can protect themselves from Elysia and Gracia. I was just trying to get revenge for all the pictures that I have had to suffer through. By the way, have you seen my desk recently? For some reason it seems to have gone missing."  
  
"Your desk, umm why are you asking Its not like I would have anything to do with the person selling your desk on ebay to all of you CrAzY females fans. ~mutter, mutter~ stupid females might as well get something out of them~  
  
Idea of Ed having stealing Roy's desk comes from Kimmycat's hotmail accounts for FMA characters. Go read them on livejournal's fm_alchemist community 


	2. Office Conversation Drabble

I went to start writing this and I had the most horrible idea a FMA/Beauty and the Beast Fusion staring Ed/Al as the beast and Roy/Winry/fill in blank here as beauty with all supporting characters taking the appropriate roles Armstrong or Roy would have to be the candlestick, Elysia Chip, Gracia Mrs. Teapot, Hughes the Clock? Scary thoughts  
  
Col. Roy Mustang's office one quiet night after the lights went out:  
  
"Pay up Chair, Couch, I won the bet tonight since they used Couch-san tonight instead of Wall. You owe me 10 million dollars now, bwahahah." Desk-san smugly told his good friend Chair while smirking about winning the nightly contest about where Roy would have sex that day for the 5th night in a row.  
  
"It's not fair you would think the guy could go one day without sex. He's been really active this week though; usually he only has sex with someone 2- 3 times a week. This Ed fellow really has him going. I thought I bet on a sure thing since they've already done it everywhere in this office this past week. Do you know how hard I was scrubbed to remove those stains, ~shudder~ Hawkeye scrubs hurt and now I'm going to have to be scrubbed again." Complained Couch who had bet on Roy not having sex that night.  
  
"Oh stop complaining Couch. You know how I hear all the gossip, and from what ^I've^ heard we're getting off easy. Poor Glove-san has been going practically non-stop since Ed's 18th birthday party and you should hear about what's been going on in the poor library. They have had to Reupholster the couch in there five times these past couple of months alone and you're complaining about Hawkeye scrubbing you down? The librarians finally banned them from both being in there at the same time last week since they have been so disruptive to the other customers." Wall-san gossiped about what she had heard from her connections as she was the only one who was here tonight that had them. Well other than Floor-san but poor Floor-san had been so abused she never spoke anymore.  
  
"Well I'm just happy that I haven't been tossed yet. They've practically worn a hole in me from all their writhing on me. I don't want to image where I will end up when Hawkeye notices that. I'll probably be given to that horrible man Hughes and his scary daughter Elysia. The horror, children ~big shudder~." Rug-san griped.  
  
"Hush, It sounds like someone is coming" Door-san interrupted Rug-sans gripping with that warning.  
  
At that warning everyone stilled and listened as the footsteps approached.  
  
"Roy we already were in your office today why are you hurrying back?" Ed whined as a hurrying Col. Mustang dragged him down the hall.  
  
"Well I had this sudden thought we've had sex everywhere in the office but against the door! So we have to remedy that now!" Col. Mustang told Ed as he pushed him up against the door.  
  
Fade to black but moans and groans, and Oh God Roy do that again escape. 


	3. Poor Ed

I just started work at State Farm, which does life and car insurance along with a bunch of other stuff, which is where this idea came from and was written. Crossposted to my journal and fm_alchemist.  
  
PG-13 Poor Ed or Ed's car search  
  
One day in the future Ed turned 16 and decided that he wanted to perform that right of passage for all teenage boys, buying your first car. Thanks to his job as General Mustang's pet dog and future desk breaker he had plenty of money to buy the car. Unfortunately, not having spent a lot of time around boys his own age he had no idea on what would be a good car to get. Ed decided to ask Hughes for advice since despite being obsessed with his daughter he thought the Inspector had a good head on his shoulders and Ed figured he would know of what cars were considered cool. Then he trapped Hughes in his office and asked him "I'm 16 and it's time I got my own car, do you know what a good car would be for me?"  
  
"Well," Hughes drawled, "You already know you drive stick, so what you need to do first is decide what you need to compensate for."  
  
Of course here Ed interrupted Hughes by throwing a tantrum over being called short. Leaving the Hughes's office in a huff Ed decided to go ask Col. Hawkeye for advice since she was the most sensible person that he knew (not that that said much). Unfortunately while walking to General Mustang's office where Col. Hawkeye was sure to be, he was waylaid by Armstrong.  
  
"So I have heard you are looking for a new car. Now I will give you the advice handed down through the ages by the great Armstrong Family Tradition. Choose a car that you can sparkle gracefully in." ~Pose and Sparkle~*  
  
At this poor Ed ran off in the opposite direction with his eyes squeezed shut to avoid seeing anymore of that most horrible sight. Here Ed's luck held true and since it just wasn't his day he ran into Col. Havoc. Col Havoc having just heard from the latest round of gossip about the chibi looking into buying a car decided to offer his big brotherly advice.  
  
"So Ed, I hear your looking into buying a new car. Make sure you have room in the back seat to." Here Col Havoc descended into pantomime with a ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ and then left to finish his errands for his boss, Col Hawkeye. This left Ed at a bit of a loss and he decided to ask Hawkeye two questions: What type of car should he get and what in the world did ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ mean.  
  
Upon finally making his way to General Mustang's office where Col. Hawkeye could usually be found, Ed found both Col. Hawkeye and General Mustang. Deciding to pay no attention to General Mustang, Ed asked Col. Hawkeye his questions.  
  
"Col. Hawkeye, what does ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ mean and I'm thinking about getting a car, any idea of what is considered cool out there right now?  
  
Though startled by the questions, Col. Hawkeye without a change in expression answered his them.  
  
"Well, the General would want you to ask him what ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ means and you want to get a car that's performs well in the rain, since you don't want your car to ^Useless^."  
  
The general had been sitting quietly at his desk as Ed asked his questions, but at Col. Hawkeye's first answer he turned red and at her second answer he started sputtering.  
  
"I'm not useless" He muttered to himself before he interrupted her and prevented her from further damaging his self-esteem by sending her away on an "important" errand. (The door opens to revel Armstrong, Havoc, and Hughes with their ears to the door. They then fall down into a big pile). As Col. Hawkeye left the office the General then firmly told Ed  
  
"When you're 18 and if you still want me to I'll explain what ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ means. I can show you now though what cars are cool if you're interested in coming with me to look over the cars on Sat. and we can make a day of it."  
  
Surprised at how firm the general was but pleased that he would take the time to look at new cars with him, Ed decided to take the general up on his offer.  
  
"Sure, That would be great. It's a date than and I'll see you on Sat." Ed told the General as he left the office.  
  
Two years later:  
  
With heated grin Ed tells Roy as he softly shuts the door "So care to explain to me what ~Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink~ means." 


	4. Office Pool

Office Pool Inspired by various Icons, Screenshots, and comments  
  
Rating: PG Surprise pairing and mention of a yaoi relationship. C&C really enjoyed and appreciated I just want to thank everyone who reviews I really appreciate it. Also if you see any errors if you could let me know, I'm horrible at catching them.  
  
Friday afternoon in Col. Mustang's office was always a big day for the friends and family of Roy Mustang and Ed Elric. It was the day the office pool for that week was paid and next weeks made. This Friday afternoon was slightly different though.  
  
"An office pool on Col. Mustang and Ed? Why wasn't I invited, Lt. Hawkeye? The Armstrong Family Tradition demands that I participate. With my long Family Tradition backing me up there is no way I can lose!" ~Pose, Flex, Sparkle~  
  
"Sir," Hawkeye calmly responded, "We didn't know you were interested in the Pool. Presently the pool is on when Col. Mustang and Ed Elric will get together."  
  
"No matter, with my Family Tradition backing me there is no way I can lose. Show me the table so I can place my bet. How long has this been running anyway?" Armstrong asked curiously while flexing and posing more.  
  
As Hawkeye pulled out the chart that she kept hidden under her chocolates (which no one would touch upon fear of death), she told Armstrong "Hughes started the pool way back before Ed turned 18. He then begged me to take it over for him when Elysia found it one day when she was tearing apart his office. That's also why Glacia and her have bets placed. We were all surprised that she didn't rip Hughes a new one for it but according to Hughes she just laughed and bet on Ed and Col. Mustang not getting together."  
  
Here Havoc who had been doing some filling poked his head up from his piles. "I hope they get together soon, all the UST (Unresolved Sexual Tension) is really getting on my nerves."  
  
"Shh, the Col. coming" Fullman popped in to interrupt Havoc. "We don't want him to find out about the pool or we'd never hear the end of it and he'd screw it up on purpose. He'll be here in just a min."  
  
Fullman was a bit late though and Roy had heard the tail end of the conversation. Surprised by his staff's deductions he thought "I can't believe they have a pool on me and someone else supposedly involving UST. They should know me better than that, now if it involved RST that would be another story. I wonder whom they are imagining me with? It would be hilarious if they thought Ed and I should get together. I guess all the tension over me dating Al could be seen by an ignorant observer as UST. Now how should I burst their bubbles?" Deciding to go tell Al about the fools his staff would be making of themselves he skipped entering his office on his way to visit Al at the Rockbell's new shop.  
  
Rockbell's Shop Noticing that Roy was distracted as he walked toward him Al decided to find out what was bothering his boyfriend "Mustang, Mustang, is something wrong?"  
  
Ed who was also visiting with the Rockbell's heard that and quickly jumped to a conclusion "You better not be breaking up with my brother. If you hurt him in any way I'll kill you in your sleep."  
  
Surprised by Ed's reaction and not really paying attention to the situation Roy answered Ed's charge" No, No nothing like that its just that for some reason my office seems to believe that Ed and I should be involved and I was trying to figure out where that came from and how I could get my revenge."  
  
"What! Me involved with you?" Ed's yell of shock practically shook the house and caused him to receive another concussion via wrench-san from and angry Winry. Having built up an immunity to them he then stormed off to confront some people with more time then sense and muttering about how if they have enough time to bet on his life (Him and the Col ~shudder~) then he would go cause some "Random" destruction so that they would have something to do.  
  
Bursting into Col. Mustang's office intent on doing some damage Ed growled at the startled faces (While they were used to him bursting in generally they had some warning and Col. Mustang would be in his office to deal with the latest outburst.) "All right who are the idiots betting on the Col. and I getting together. It would never happen because A) I'm dating Winry right now and have been for several years and B) The Col.'s dating Al not me. With that startling announcement Ed turned around and stalked back out of the office muttering "Stupid people, him and ~shudder~ Roy, that was almost as absurd as him and Armstrong." (Starting several new interesting rumors)  
  
Despite being completely shocked about the fact that she had no hint that Al was the one the Col was interested in. Hawkeye calmly pulled up the table that she had put away earlier and was not really surprised to find that the winner of the office pool was Glacia Hughes. 


End file.
